I had been enjoying a refreshingly light mood the last week or so...but that's all over now. Yesterday delivered a triple whammy of frustration, disappointment and reality television; and today I find myself literally long in the face.
Today it doesn't matter whether or not I realize this "poor me" episode won't last more than a day or two because, basically, it's obnoxious and I don't want it and I'm supposed to be a princess, dammit!
Today it makes no difference that I've made my peace with Annika's death and am trying to honor her by living my life well. Nope, turns out three minutes of a stupid TV show has the power to rip my heart back open and leave me feeling as raw and vulnerable and confused as the day she died and my heart broke.
Today it's not enough to go about living my peaceful life, reducing my carbon footprint, and focusing what I can for those in need within my family, my friends, my community.
Today is a mascara-free day because every other thought I have or song lyric I hear sends me running down the hall and into the bathroom so I don't frighten anyone who might walk through the office door with my red, puffy eye slits.
Today, the universe revolves around my sorrow.
Today, the thing I wish I didn't understand about heartbreak is that it's never going to fully heal. I don't know what made me think it ever could. Now I must live with the knowledge that once you've been broken, you'll always know what it feels like to be broken...and the broken spots are sensitive to changes in the weather.
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