Thursday, November 6, 2008

Lessons in Perspective

Shitgoddamn and hallelujah!!!

Yesterday was like a hangover. I had to send myself home early from work to sob my little heart out on the couch. At first, I cried because it didn't feel like I was happy enough that the right man won the election. That pesky problem with staying in the moment really challenged my ability to absorb the significance of the day. And my ego worked its way in there some, too.

In high school, I was deeply obsessed with everything sixties. Oh, how I longed to have come of age in that era so I could have participated in the social movements, been witness to the changes taking place. It didn't seem possible that I would ever live through anything as significant as what went down in the decade prior to my birth.

And then I started to witness some things:
  • first voting experience in 1992, electing Clinton
  • the fall of the Berlin Wall
  • the Gulf War
  • grunge and Kurt Cobain's death
  • Nelson Mandela freed from prison, elected president of his nation
  • two stolen elections
  • 9/11
  • wars in Iraq and Afghanistan
  • hurricanes
  • tsunamis
  • genocide
  • traveling abroad
  • LIVE MUSIC
  • marrying a true love
  • nine, going on ten, nieces and nephews
  • too many years of illness and the death of a sibling
  • college graduation
  • Barack Obama elected president

All of these things make up our lives. Yet, it wasn't enough for me. The progress of humanity wasn't fast enough for me. That sinking feeling that we're never going to get it right -- it's all been too little and too late -- pinned me to the couch in my personal despair.


It didn't feel like I thought it would feel when I was a teenager, this witnessing of momentous change in our country's -- hell, our world's -- history. My naive idealism had me thinking such a victory would heal the millions of hidden scratches just as surely as the obvious gaping wounds. When reality didn't match my imagination, I got sad and allowed my brain to concentrate on severe pessimism. How could I celebrate when we're still involved in two hopeless wars? What about over-population, global warming and the coming the machine people? How could I be happy about our president-elect when Californians actually passed Proposition 8 on the same day? What's my damned problem for letting myself miss out on the pure joy of this moment?


Then the television caught my attention. It was Martin Luther King, Jr., urgently reminding me of the bigger picture:


I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character.

This slapped me in the face, sat me right up and cleared my eyes of the tears. All kinds of perspective came running through the door, tackling me with a swift kick in the ass. I had to laugh at myself for letting it go too far.


No matter how slow I think humans are changing our ridiculous ways, I have to admit that we are changing. We can only move one generation at a time, can't we? No matter how slow it feels while you live it one day at a time, we are inching our way towards tolerance and right action. No matter how much we want it to be perfect now, we can't reasonably expect all of our ignorance to end at one time in one place. If we do expect that, we're just going to end up a limp, crying mess on the couch. And, really, what does that do to help bring us together?


So, there I was. Age thirty-four being snapped out of a personal crisis of faith in humanity with the realization that I'm dangerously close to being a grumpy old man because I expected everything could be fixed within my own lifetime. Let's call it a moment of clarity. And humility. And, of course, perspective. Thank you MLK.


Today is one of the most beautiful that I've ever seen in Santa Barbara. It's bathwater warm outside. The air smells clean and crisp. The sky is the clearest blue. The sea is sparkling against the huge islands, which reflect their counterparts rising up proudly behind our bustling little city. Neighbors and strangers are greeting each other warmly, enthusiastically, with genuine appreciation for one another.


It's a new day, indeed; and here's what I know: we have got to work pretty damned hard on lightening up and love is the answer.

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

I'm Just Saying...

It's election night and here I am with clowns to the left of me and jokers to the right, feeling stuck in the middle with myself. Actually, truth be told, I'd probably place somewhere in the midst of the clowns if you're going with the political metaphor. But that's not what I meant.

Frankly, I'm plumb worn out by this business of living. There's so much to be nervous about these days that I've found it difficult to be present, no matter what it is that I'm doing. A simple jaunt downtown to support local farmers and cart home this week's stock of organically grown produce can lead to an existential crisis complete with tear-stained cheeks before I can get myself out of the crosswalk. I'm torn right down the middle. Either I'm caring far too much about every single ridiculous, destructive human soul or I'm counting down the minutes until whatever doomsday device -- nuclear fallout, killer virus, alien invasion, locusts -- finally delivers Mother Earth her much deserved sweet release from us over-populated masses of idiots who think we have a friggin' clue as to what we're doing here.

I mean, I'm just sayin...

I'm just saying that people have been inhabiting the earth, forming governments and religions and philosophies and sciences and arts and he saids and she saids for thousands and thousands of years and we haven't really made a helluva lot of progress (betcha I can use and in a sentence more times than you and you and you).

I'm just saying that if you found yourself some random quote about government from, say, Napoleon (like I saw somewhere or another today), you'd find yourself scratching your head swearing you heard a political pundit on CNN say that very same thing just last night.

I'm just saying that if you consulted Shakespeare for a lesson in classic storytelling, you'd find that when it comes to the human condition, about the only things that have changed significantly are formalities like clothes and mannerisms.

The more things change, the more they stay the same.

What sets me to worrying about having been so hyper-focused on this stuff is that I am now one of two things. Either I am on the slippery slope of taking everything far too seriously; thereby sucking all the fun, beauty and hopeful possibilities out of my one shot at life. Or, I am already at the bottom of said slope and have utterly lost my formerly effortless knack for lightening the fuck up.

See?

Clowns -- Me -- Jokers

I'm just saying that this election has me on edge. Or maybe that's just my excuse of the moment.

Wednesday, October 8, 2008

Apathetic Tendencies

Lately, as my friends will attest, I've been borderline fervent that "my" generation (and those that have followed "mine") have fallen victim to a raging case of entitlement. Which, I've observed, has turned us into a sorry bunch of apathetic, uninvolved, uninspired -- and uninspiring -- whiners. It's maddening and often sends me into weeks of the poor-me mopes when I notice my annoying active participation as a member of the club. How did we manage to land smack in our adulthood without a real sense of who we are? How did we get here without a stimulating, motivating passion for something, anything?

Was it that we weren't taught what it is to have a work ethic? Was it the glutton of the 1980s and 90s that confused us? Was it that the technology boom overwhelmed us with multi-media distractions?

I wish I knew. I wish I knew how to inspire myself and those around me into productivity and right action.

But first things first -- gotta check my email. ==========

OK, back.

This afternoon I'm, once again, crying over something I saw on the Internet. It's not over the content of the You Tube video, although it is moving; rather, it's the sense of hope that people might actually be doing alright in spite of all the obstacles we've put in our way.

I'm reminded that there are, of course, creative, intelligent and active folks out there representing and working hard to inspire our generation to knock of the entitlement apathy nonsense. For all the crap that technology brings us, I can't forget to check out all the beauty and good that comes along with it. I can't give up on the possibility that we might turn out OK, after all.

P.S. DON'T FORGET TO VOTE

Friday, August 29, 2008

Book Report

The Poisonwood Bible
by Barbara Kingsolver

For the better part of a decade, this hardcover book lay dormant under my bed, collecting dust bunnies. That was back when I wasn't reading books. Pity. My mom had given it to me, and I remember distinctly how highly she recommended I take a look at it.

Fast forward to a few weeks ago when at least three, if not more, women insisted that I drop all other books and just read The Poisonwood Bible already because it is a life-changer. Say no more; and, boy howdy, were they correct.

This is one of those books that you read and it just about knocks your whole self right over -- repeatedly and profoundly. You find yourself breathing long sighs of relief that you are not the only person who has come to view the world in these ways. By the time you reach the last word of the last sentence, the magic of a nearly perfectly told story has somehow lightened the burden of knowledge of the tragic, beautiful suffering that is humanity. You are moved another step closer to understanding that we are at once witnesses and participants in each other's stories, of our far away histories, of the non-stop mysterious ways of this complex world. Another step closer to grasping muntu -- all that is here. It is what it is. We are what we are. I am all that is here and so are you and you and you. The good, the evil, the incredible, the horrendous. We are what we are, mistakes and all.

At least, that's what it did for me. And I'm awfully tempted to turn around back to page one and read it all over again.

P.S.
Actually, that's not all I got out of this book. In the interest of keeping track of how reading novels is helping me understand how to tell a story, I have to mention it. Each chapter in this book is told from the perspective of one of the five Price family women, primarily the four daughters. Not a new method, by any means, but this book offered me that elusive a-ah moment. I get it now: the concept that each character in a story believes themselves to be 100% correct. Each character has their unique point of view and that is how they should come across to the reader. And, in order for that to happen, the writer must explore corners of each and every character that the reader will never see described on the page, but will come to understand nevertheless. Such a simple concept (that I've nodded along with many times) with a complex application (that is daunting yet exciting) and is absolutely essential to a good story.

P.P.S.
In the aftermath of reading The Poisonwood Bible I put down some words to remind myself what I'm taking away from the experience. It's a rare day that I write a poem, and, when I do, they never follow any rules of poetry, as far as I can tell. But, a poem nonetheless.

Forgive yourself the times in which you live
Forgive yourself the times that came before you
Forgive the mistakes you have made
Forgive but do not forget
Forgive and continue moving on
Forgive and be free of the weight that halts your steps

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Identity Crisis

Around about the time I got home from South Africa, something possessed me: the desire to be tan. Which is entirely out of character. Normally, I'm the girl hiding under a hat, an umbrella, long-sleeve shirts and layers of SPF 45. I'm the girl who proudly returned from a week on the beaches in Costa Rica without so much as a whisper of a hint of color on my hide.

But there I was, every afternoon throughout the entirety of spring, sitting in the sunniest parts of the back yard exposing my chest, stomach and legs. It became a ritual I really looked forward to with my after-work beer and the book of the week. "I must need the vitamin D," I'd hear myself explain to the husband. He'd humor me with a grin, but always took the opportunity to remind me how much he happens to love my usual glow-in-the-dark tones.

Oh, how I fancied my golden-tan on graduation morning as I zipped up the favorite brown, strapless dress. Everything about the dress and accessories were enhanced by the color I'd so diligently worked on for the last couple of months.

A few weeks later, we found ourselves hanging with the family on the beach. What a glorious time we had playing in the water and visiting in the cloudless, perfect bikini-weather summer day. At the time, it seemed an entirely reasonable decision to copy the gaggle of girls with their countless re-applications of spray on coconut oil. I had a solid base, after all.

Wrong again.

My obsession got away from me and came back in the form of a raging virgin-sunburn on my stomach and upper thighs that lasted the better part of a month. Thanks to my coveted lotions and potions, I didn't blister; but a truly impressive peeling phase lasted two whole weeks.

Now, I'm left with this sort of asymmetrical reverse reminder of my bikini when I look in the mirror. For once in my life, the red of a sunburn didn't return my skin to the usual white but has become slightly less white. There's nobody in the world who would examine my belly and call it tan...except for me. Even better, it's only my front half that received punishment. My back half remains the same, pre-South Africa white with a very discernible front/back delineation on my outer calves.

One might argue that I got what I wanted with this Summer 2008 "Tan" o' Mine. Yet, this is not anywhere near what I'd envisioned. This palette resembles more of a poorly designed patchwork quilt of unfamiliar body parts.

Who is this person following me around, wearing my clothes, attached to me below the neck?

At the moment, I don't really know.

Friday, August 1, 2008

Book Report

Aretemis Fowl: The Lost Colony
Aretemis Fowl: The Time Paradox
by Eoin Colfer

These are the most recent in a series of six books (so far) about the once selfish-criminal mastermind turning reluctant-bleeding heart, Aretemis Fowl. In these books, he's reached the ripe old age of fourteen and is finding puberty to be a pesky, distracting force as he, once again, saves the world for both the humans above ground and the fairies below ground. The series is aimed at the grammar school/younger junior high aged kids. And, I truly cannot help myself but adore them. They're a lighthearted, fantasy reading ride with not so subtle positive message undertones that take an afternoon or two to complete, cover to cover. In my now habitual process of reading a book from a writer's perspective, I picked up some good stuff with these two.

Lately, I've been trying to figure out how to break free of my very stubborn linear patterns. I'm not exaggerating when I say that it has been excruciatingly painful for me to attempt writing a story -- or an essay or a blog or a grocery list -- out of linear sequence. Obviously, my logical side agrees that it's terribly limiting to confine oneself to writing ANYthing in a start-to-finish timeline. Sadly, it's not my logical side that does the writing.

Both The Lost Colony and The Time Paradox revealed to me the very many places the writing of a story can begin. All of those clever bits of foreshadowing in the early chapters very likely were written long after the resolution of events at the end. Same goes for the final pages' tidy wrapping up of the plot while gently reminding us how the current adventure got started in the first place.

It's not that I haven't been taught this notion before or didn't understand the theoretical concept. Because, trust me, it's been pointed out ad nauseum and I always agree that it certainly does make perfect sense, doesn't it. This was, honestly, the first time that I finally saw that it's not a very good plan at all to even attempt to begin at the beginning, particularly when telling a mysetery/fantasy type of a tale.

I had the proverbial light bulb moment.

Which inspires me to give humongous thanks to the Aretemis Fowl stories and the deceivingly simple formula that each one follows that have allowed me to grasp the theory. Now, just to put it into a working practice. That's the real trick.

Thursday, July 24, 2008

Darn You, Universe

Just as I was gearing up for a mega-grumpy-poor-me-why-does-everything-have-to-suck-so-much sort of an evening, the work day up and taught me a few lessons in you-better-be-thankful-for-what-you-got.

1. A nineteen year-old kid who has been wheelchair bound essentially his entire life. He wears coke-bottle glasses and has had multiple surgeries on his back, both legs/ankles, and both arms/wrists, which have hardly made a dent in correcting his severe contractures. Yet, he enters our office with a cheerful grin offering praises for the convenient size of our building's elevator in relation to his electric wheelchair. He and his mother are a loud talking, tag-team of positivity, despite the near constant pain that he experiences in multiple parts of his body.

2. A pair of 2-year old identical twins. One of them is our patient with just a minor repair to a couple of webbed fingers. The family has been an absolute model of compliance and effective communication between patient and surgeon. The kids (only 2 years old, don't forget) already understand how to use please/thank you (nice job mom and dad!) and, they never forget to shout a cheerful goodbye, always in unison. But, boy howdy, are they energetic guys!

3. A 71-year old gorgeous woman (I'm talking jaw-dropping beautiful), who came in for an arthritic finger, shared with me that she's a four-year survivor of pancreatic cancer. In case you don't already know know, the one-year survival rate for this cancer is only 20% and falls to something like 4% within five years. Anyway, this woman is bright eyed, tanned with a sassy, gray haircut and has one seriously amazing 71-year old butt. She tells me that she's planning a bike trip in Minnesota in September and that she's a runner and a knitter, among other things I'm sure. She'll plan her finger surgery around her many adventures.

4. A 67-year old cutie pie of a woman with severe osteo and rheumatoid arthritis comes wobbling in, determined to walk on her own two legs, supported by her husband and a cane. Her outfit is accssorized with homemade jewelry; she's cracking jokes, just as sweet as can be. The reason she's visiting us is to figure out what she can do with her hands so that she can continue playing golf. Golf! She can't walk on her own but she's an athlete nonetheless.

5. The husband and his summer kids knock on my office door around 2:30pm. I open to find them all dressed up like zombies: shredded hoodies, face paint, giant tombstones, one of the kids inside a cardboard coffin. Are you kidding me?! How am I supposed to stay grumpy with a crew like that standing in my doorway making my sides hurt with light and laughter?

Today's lessons in being grateful for what you've got brought to you by Little Miss Humble Pie.

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

In the Tunnel

After years of the husband consistently warning me of the inevitability of his mid-life crisis, IT certainly has arrived this summer. And how.

The poor bubba is feeling rather put out by life (can't say I blame him there). All of a sudden, he's quite concerned that the choices he's made in regards to profession, retirement planning and accumulation of stuff have not been very sound at all. Certainly, I'll never be able to convince him that devoting one's life to raising other people's children is one of the more noble ways to spend a lifetime. Certainly, I'll never be able to convince him that, indeed, there is still time to figure out the retirement game (if, in fact, there will still be a world in which we might retire, but that's another rant). Certainly, I'll never be able to convince him that sorting through the priceless junk we've let accumulate in the garage needn't be completed in one weekend.

Actually, it's not really so bad on my end. Ten years of togetherness has taught me many things. Most important being that I know not to take someone else's mid-life crisis personally. If this had came up earlier in our relationship, I'd probably be good and annoyed with the husband right about now. Instead, I split my time between dishing out the sympathy and instructing him to snap out of it long enough for dinner, please.

The other night, a friend had him listening to a self-help CD. From what I can gather, it's something of a new age version of the old "men are from Mars, women are from Venus" concept. In particular, it describes what's going on in a man's head when he reaches this glorious time of life as being "in the tunnel." It's a simple, user-friendly term symbolically describing what men experience. They get stuck in transition there for a while, somewhere between the breezy, wild light of the early years and the steady, calmer light that comes with proper aging. The tunnel-time of reflecting on a misspent youth and fretting over how much time there is yet to spend earth bound...well, it's a real bitch.

But, hell, nobody ever said you aren't allowed to still have FUN while you are stuck in the middle of the tunnel. Here's where I'm firmly putting my foot down and hold fast to my position on the outside of said tunnel. The husband would surely get trapped in there forever if I wasn't here demanding that he take time out to visit friends, go on a trip, take in a concert or two.

Damn, he sure is lucky to have me on his side.

But even when one partner is deep in the tunnel, it still takes two to tango. Luckily for me, the husband is a wise man who lets me to guide him through the darkness and still manages to rub my feet on a daily basis. This whole thing just makes love him even more than I ever thought possible.

And.

I'm looking forward to the day he emerges from this blasted tunnel.

Friday, July 11, 2008

Pop Quiz Syndrome

Honestly, I thought I would have grown out of this unsatisfactory personality trait by now. Yet, here I am at thirty-four years old, still drawing a panicky blank when asked a direct question for which I have not rehearsed an answer. The most common deer in the headlights moment is when asked what is my favorite anything. Even if it's the sweet husband calling from the store to thoughtfully ask if there's anything I need, my mind draws an annoying, tidy blank.

My seemingly limitless naivety had me believing that going back to school would magically knock me out of the brain freeze pattern, but all it's really done is painfully call my attention to the problem ever more acutely.

This week, I noticed the syndrome spilling over into social situations and simple conversations. When attending a party, I find myself sort of meandering about, never really talking to anyone at length, because it muddles my thinking. The bossman might ask me what I think about a certain current event and my thoughtful, whip-smart response doesn't surface until the moment has long passed. Don't ever point a video camera at me and expect to be enlightened by my stuttering.

What I really hate to admit is that this is all related to my personal fears...of going deep, of taking risks, of being specific, providing evidence, of being successful and a failure. Annika would be nodding her head and raising her eyebrows at me in "I told you so" agreement right about now. When I think about where I get stuck in my writing, it's always at the details, always at taking it to the raw-level feelings. That's an uncomfortable, scary space that I've gotten too adept at avoiding. My vulnerable, loving heart so desperately tries to remain innocent that its managed to totally block off large portions of my brain.

It's very vexing.

Sure, yes, of course I'm exaggerating my brain freezes a teensy bit. Seeing as I've trapped myself in this pattern for over three decades, it's all fairly manageable. One becomes skilled in letting it go after saying something ridiculously awkward. I'll just have to live with the fact that I'll never make it on Jeopardy.

Monday, June 30, 2008

Things I Didn't Even Know I Have Hurt

Well, it happened. That right of passage into female adulthood that we never exactly see coming. On the very same day that I noticed on myself what appears very much to be something of a beer belly, some dude asked me if I'm pregnant. Now, considering the social idiocy level of the question asker, I opted not to get too upset about it. Still, it hasn't been easy shake the fact that it -- something I've heard happening to other women -- has now happened to me.

This occurred on Saturday evening, the day after the long-awaited college graduation. And what an incredible graduation it was. The power of transformation that is possible by sending yourself back to school as an adult is breathtaking. This weekend, all of my family within reasonable driving distance came to celebrate with me and share the group pride in this personal accomplishment.

It has taken me years, now, to finally understand just how amazing this group of people that I was born into really are. Sometimes you just have to get out there and compare what you thought you didn't have to what everyone else has got before you sincerely appreciate where you already are.

Ahh, the life of an artist, right? What is it that drives us to make things harder for ourselves before we see the light, have the epiphany, set ourselves free to materialize the vision? We seem to crave the struggle.

I have to admit it, though, I'm a little bit in love with the notion of being able to call myself an artist. It appeals to my tendency to make things more difficult than they need to be. The stretches of idea incubation, preparing for its eventual arrival, laboring (frequently involving body aches, sweat and tears) to push it out of my mind and into the real world. The exhausted, exhilarated celebration of the tangible creation; the ooohing and ahhing when shared with others.

So, anyway, that's me post-graduation. Pregnant with potential. My babies are in there: gestating, growing, working their way towards the brutal, beautiful light of this world.

Monday, April 14, 2008

Cape Town to the Wilderness

As a lover of plans and schedules, I knew the concept of "Africa time" would be a challenge for me. Indeed, since moving to Santa Barbara, my punctuality has relaxed significantly (I now arrive on time rather than fifteen minutes early); still, I can't help but get anxious when things aren't running according to my meticulously laid out plans.

Wednesday morning, I kept Africa time in mind when the rental car wasn't delivered at 9:30am, as we'd arranged (and confirmed). I tried to act casual at breakfast, admiring Susie craft another picture-journal masterpiece with her tin of colored pencils. Soon, though, I was pacing The Backpack between our room, triple-checking my bags, and the cafe -- glaring into the quiet parking lot. Finally, I couldn't take it anymore and called the rental agency. "Not to worry, there was a mix up about the drop-off address. You've been given a free upgrade." Phew! Less than ten minutes later, our teensy-tiny, bright-red, stick-shift-on-the-wrong-side Ford Fiesta appeared.

At first, it didn't look like all of our luggage was going to fit inside the trunk, which was crucial. Much like San Francisco, it's recommended to leave nothing in the car that's visible from the outside because break-ins are quite common. Susie asked what our upgrade was exactly, since we already knew we'd gotten the smallest, least fancy car that still had air conditioning. "CD player," the delivery man answered simply.

Doh! We totally forgot to pack driving music!

By the time we finished up the paperwork and solved the puzzle of jamming our luggage into the trunk, Hannah arrived in Foxy. Immediately, she presented us with "Santa Barbara to South Africa: the SusieRita Driving CD," plus the red, beaded wire flower we'd been admiring on Foxy's dash all week. Susie volunteered to drive (there was really no choice due to my obvious paralyzing fear of wrong side of the road city driving), and we followed Hannah onto the highway.

Soon, we arrived at the Montebello Design Center, a beautiful artists' studio/showroom community set up in a series of old farm buildings. This is where we could find some those amazing Mielie handbags, like Hannah carries, and other ethically produced/sold Southern African crafts. This place was so still and beautiful, situated below a series of enormous pine trees so high you could barely see the tops. We strolled around, shopping, checking out artists at work in their potting studios and the forge. This place even had a little organic Farm Store! I was so excited to see bulk grains and organic fruits for sale (don't forget: it's the little things). Susie picked up some intensely gingery ginger cookies for the road.

All too soon, it was time for Foxy-Hannah lead us to the N2 highway and we were off into the wild: all by ourselves. The N2 heading east out of Cape Town (the same route we took to Stellenbosch two days prior) leads you along the edges of Khayelitsha, the largest township in Cape Town. It is vast, a definitive reminder of the extremes between the haves and the have-nots in South Africa. Check out what the wonderful Hannah and her network of creative-thinking, eco-minded, world-changing friends have organized to do for one woman and her family (and this is just their first project): MakeDesign.

OK, so we're on the N2 for about an hour. We're groovin' along to our tunes, getting comfortable with the whole wrong side of the road business when BLAM!!! A rock cracks into the windshield in front of me. If there had been any time to think, I'm sure my life would have flashed before my eyes. Following our lady-like shrieks, both of us held our breath, shoulders crunched up into our ears, until eventually coming back in to our bodies. The first words out of our collective mouth, "There goes the damned deposit!"

At the recommendation of our Cape Town friends, we stopped for lunch in a little town called Swellendam, a town with one main drag and a few stop signs. We settled on a restaurant with outdoor seating and enjoyed the first in a series of toasted cheese sandwiches with tomato on "brown bread" meals accompanied by fake gerber daisies on the tables. Although we were only there for a moment, it was an eventful stop in its own way. First, I managed to lock myself in the bathroom for a panicky five minutes and nearly had to climb out of a window in which my hips surely would have gotten lodged. Luckily, my last ditch effort of shaking the daylights out of the lock set me free. Second, a small group of kids walked by while we were waiting for the check. They seemed quite interested in us, so we waved enthusiastically. The last boy in the line wasn't willing to take his eyes off of us for one second and proceeded to smack himself right into a pole. I was glad to know I'm not the only one who does that.

Back into the rental car, who by now we had named Tchomie (an Afrikaaner word for pal/friend that we picked up the other night at Ganesh) -- no more stops until we reached our destination in a little town on the Indian Ocean called Wilderness. One of the main things we learned about personal safety as unaccompanied female tourists in South Africa was never to be driving around in unknown territory after dark. So, imagine our relief upon pulling into The Fairy-Knowe Backpacker at dusk. We welcomed the sight of hippies around the campfire and several adorable dogs trotting about. Unfortunately, the hostess had, merely hours before, decided to give up our reserved room to her brother because we had neglected to confirm our reservation.

Ahem. I mentioned before my attention to detail and unadulterated love for planning ahead. As I recalled, I had in fact confirmed our reservation the week prior via email. Even though the hostess did find said email on her computer, she took advantage of her inane and unclear policy of confirming within three days of the reservation (honestly, who ever heard of such a thing?!), she was at liberty to give away our room.

Whatever.

This is one of those times in life where I was in charge of what we were going to do next, seeing as all of our lodging was planned entirely by me. But, by now, it was rapidly approaching total darkness outside and this woman obviously wasn't going out of her way to give us a place to stay at her establishment.

Whatever.

Still, she assured us she could find us an alternative that was "just as nice." She pulled out a tiny, red backpacker guidebook that I remembered being told by Hannah was the most reliable one around. With a giant leap of faith, we grumpily returned to Tchomie and followed the driving directions back into town, then up a hill out of town, and hesitantly crept down a couple of long dirt roads until we arrived at the Asante Caravan and Camping. It was pretty much dark by the time we arrived and Susie was clearly not thrilled with the situation. In my mind, I absolutely had to make it OK for her, which somehow gave me a whole new relationship with my tendency to need to "stick to the plan, man."

With our guard way up, we were met by Janus, the bare-footed, dread-locked owner of Asante who was playing pool with his staff when we arrived. Immediately, his demeanor and appearance set me at ease because he reminded me so much of my oldest brother. I was now going with the flow, but he hadn't managed to soothe Susie's nerves. Janus lead us down a path to his "only vacant caravan" for the night, sharing with us his praise of the beauty/safety of the area and future plans for his property. (just in case you didn't click the link, a caravan backpacker might sound all magical and delightful, but caravan is just a fancy word for old, small camper without a toilet)

Have I stressed the fact that this place was in the WILDERNESS? not just IN Wilderness? Seeing as we had no other options for the evening, we brought in the bare necessities from Tchomie and headed back into town for another pizza dinner (who knew there was so much incredibly yummy pizza to be had in SA?). It took some doing, but, by the end of the $11 dollar meal (drinks included!), I had convinced Miss Susie that this snafu would be a great story once we were back home. Shortly after this picture was taken, she returned to her usual smiling self and drove us back up the hill to Asante.

It was an adventure staying in the caravan. The bathroom was about twenty yards from our caravan and locating the outdoor lights wasn't really possible in the dark. The caravan had that sort of thirty-years old stale smell about it and our "beds" were smaller than the average sofa. But, we slept and that's all we really were there to do.

I fell asleep congratulating myself for my ability to go with the flow of a botched reservation and figured that Africa time might not be such a foreign concept after all.

Friday, April 11, 2008

If It's Tuesday, It Must Be Cape Town

We started off early, or so we thought, by waking up somewhere after 7am. A quick peek out of the drawn curtain proved that Table Mountain was clear of its Cloth and, thus, a fine day for a hike. Suddenly, the rush to get going passed. Susie and I sleepily pulled on our identical orange, Smartwool ankle socks and slathered on the sunscreen. Then leisurely made our way to The Backpack cafe, where only hours before we'd enjoyed a nightcap, to order breakfast. Eventually, we asked the front desk to call us a cab. By now, it was nice toasty outside, but at least our water bottles were full.

Just as so many did before him, the cab driver assured us that the climb up Table Mountain was "easy" and should take two and a half hours, perhaps another hour to get back down. He had done it a few times and it was a beautiful, clear day for it. Still, Susie and I had developed a quick back up plan (in interest of saving time) to ride the cable car to the top of the mountain, take in the views and quickly walk back down the trail. I love a good plan.

Upon arrival at the cable car station, we learned that the queue of people was because the cars weren't running this morning: too windy. No worries, we'll just hike it instead. The nice uniformed men sent us down a smoothly paved road, assuring us we'd find the trail head in just a few minutes. The walk to the trail head is simply stunning. Cape Town is sprawled out in front of you, beneath hills of grasses dotted with more and more proteas. The Atlantic Ocean is sparkling happily. Table Mountain, with its flat, gray and red stones, looms behind you.


Ten minutes later, we come across a small shack. Inside, another attendant assures us with an entirely new time frame, "No problem. Under two hours to the top, maybe forty minutes back down."

I found it hard to take this man's word. It looked to me as though he'd never hiked in his life. But he was happy enough, smiling a generous toothless smile, with a day's worth of food stored in little tubs tucked beneath his seat (the only furniture in the room). Fair enough. It's his job to encourage tourists such as ourselves. We thanked him and hit the Platteklip (flat rock) trail.

Oh. Shit. Rita's in trouble already.


This is no ordinary trail, people. This is stairs carved out of rocks and, often, held in place by thick, wire mesh. Normally, I can fake my pathetic out-of-shapedness and get through any old day hike. This is because, normally, there tend to be flat spots, downhill zones, or silly little things like SHADE. But this is Africa. Table Mountain and its infinite stairs offered only blazing sunshine with a steady incline at about fifteen inches per step.

Ouch.

I tried, though, I really gave it the old college try. Susie was my champion, coaching me up that mountain. She helped me channel Spearhead songs, she distracted me with stories of her own hiking mishaps. She assured me it wasn't a bad thing that senior citizens and tiny children were passing us at a steady rate. I had the ultimate cheerleader This tactic actually worked for a little while. I took frequent breaks, was a reckless water drinker; I truly wanted to conquer that mountain and catch the awesome views. It was a perfectly clear morning and I could do this thing for Susie, dammit!

I think we were at it for over an hour when I got wobbly, reporting nausea and lightheadedness. The Stairmaster Challenge proved to be too much. At this point, former Outward Bound leader Susie decided to call it by turning me around and pointing me back from whence we came. All the way I'm blubbering at her, declaring how my love for my friend is growing until my heart bursts. Still, my delirium couldn't keep me from filling my pockets with little Table Mountain rocks. "Souvenirs, Susie, these are gifts," I exclaimed as she urged me to stop weighing myself down.

By the time we reached the bottom, our guard friend was outside smoking a cigarette. "Already you are finished?" He couldn't believe it. Honestly, I don't recall whether or not we confessed our failed attempt. But, I'd like to believe he's telling the story, right now, of those two badass American women who made the round trip under ninety minutes.

Susie fed me a Cliff Bar while I sat on the curb recovering. The nausea had subsided but things still weren't quite right. I was conquered by Table Mountain that day. Assuring me that we'd merely started too late for such a hot day, Susie blazed on ahead of me, full of steam. Eventually, I caught up at the cable car station, which was now up and running with a four hour queue for a turn to ride to the top.

A wild cab ride later (in a red, London style cab with a loud television that we shared with four other people along the way), we found ourselves at The Backpack again. It wasn't even noon.

A brief, but necessary, rest period followed by a cold shower and I'm feeling like a new woman. Table Mountain, who? We made plans to meet up with Hannah, who had to work most of the day, in the late afternoon. She recommended we try a restaurant called Royale for lunch; so, we did. It was literally a two block walk away on Long Street. This is the trendy spot for young tourists in Cape Town, and it's somewhat obvious once you're there. Sort of crowded and a little messier, funkier. All the travel books recommend that you avoid booking your lodging there if what you are after is a good night's sleep.

However, Long Street also comes with Royale and their plethora of truly impressive, truly unique vegetarian burgers. Susie ordered a falafel version and mine had grilled veggies/tofu with spicy peanut sauce...and more, precious green salad! The burgers each received our five star rating. Plus, what a great hippy atmosphere. The walls on the ground floor are decorated with random hats hanging on the wall; upstairs has a groovy night scene with a collection of wooden instruments covering one wall. This is also where we began our espresso with lunch ritual. It sure does help a weary traveler get through a day.

Once perfectly satiated by Royale, we set off in search of a cultural experience. Since we had earlier realized we were so short on time in Cape Town, we concluded there was no time to visit Robben Island (where Nelson Mandela was held) or to go on a township tour. However, both Hannah and Charles recommended the District Six Museum as an off the beaten path alternative.

That was our only afternoon on our own in Cape Town. I'm an admitted failure when it comes to navigating in new cities, and my paranoia about looking at a map while standing on the sidewalk challenged us (this was more travel book advice, better safe than sorry, right?). It was fun, though, sort of wandering around -- with purpose -- in what appeared to be a financial district. We cursed the cable cars running at Table Mountain above us, ducking into buildings here and there to check the map. Susie is truly a rock star when it comes to reading maps, though, and she got us to the museum before too long. If we made any wrong turns, I sure didn't know it.

District Six was a coloured part of Cape Town for many years. It was a very vibrant and active area known for being a jazz hotspot. As apartheid began to take hold, the powers that be declared the area to be a "white" zone. By February 1966, they began to systematically, forcibly remove the 60,000 residents from District Six. This amounted to leveling all the buildings, even if people were still living inside, in order to drive them out. It took over a decade before the area was truly abandoned; street children lingered. Only churches and mosques still stand today. The area has yet to be rebuilt. http://www.districtsix.co.za/aboutus.htm

The District Six Museum is one big room with a wrap around second floor looking down upon the ground floor. It contains well-organized artifacts, rubble, personal effects of people who lived in the area; the displays are quite creative and thoughtfully assembled. There are all sorts of newspaper clipping, audio interviews, and photographs from former residents. The museum houses many of the street signs from District Six because the person assigned to disposing them into the bay, in fact, did not follow orders.

This may have been our most "real" experience of the entire trip. The rest of the time, we were really just having a vacation. But this reminded us of the injustice so many South Africans have endured. It reminded us that the grief period following the end of apartheid is still very, very current in the country's -- in our -- history. It overwhelmed me as I gazed down from the second level at the large map, covering the entire ground floor of the museum. It overwhelms me now, to remember. It overwhelms me, too, the beautiful, peaceful power that comes in honoring those who have suffered because of someone else's incredulous rules. It overwhelms me, still, the human ability to continue to hope for brotherhood, for forgiveness and healing.

We left the museum because they made us; it was closing time. After a brief moment of thinking we might not be walking in the right direction, we found ourselves at the edges of the Green Market via a corner of The Botanic Gardens. At this moment, Hannah called to rescue us from the tourist trap. On our way to meet her, we quickly cruised the market (I did some power shopping, including a little successful bartering, which pleased me) and nearly caused an accident when we followed some jaywalkers across the street.

It felt relaxing to be back in Foxy with Hannah leading the way to beer at the Victoria & Albert Waterfront...from one tourist trap to the next! The beer place was Belgian, the Ben Anker Bar & Restaurant, with sweeping views of the water and Table Mountain. Hannah's friend, Michael, met us there; we were also joined by Seanagh and Merle. I had to confess my miserable failure to reach the top of the mountain; everyone was surprised but agreed it was such a hot day, after all. It's good to have friends.

By the end of my beer tastings, which included samples of their five Belgian beers on tap, I started asking our friends to share Afrikaans slang and curse words, since bum in the butter was such a success a few nights prior. This has long been one of my favorite (and most fun) ways of getting to know people from another culture. This launched us into hysterics while Susie filled a page and a half with various terms like snogging and trollied.

At this point, we were getting somewhat trollied. And since none of us had anyone around to snog, we decided to re-group for dinner at Ganesh. Unlike our previous try on Saturday, the restaurant was open, and thank goodness for that! Somehow, this is the only picture I have from Ganesh: their menu. Charles joined us for dinner, too. I drank bottles of Windheok beer (pronounced something like vint-hoke, it's from Zimbabwe) and ordered falafel. Seanagh kept Susie's wine glass full the whole time (she ordered Pap & Veg and I'm still jealous). Basically, dinner at Ganesh was a long, slow blur of laughter, fun and Soul Food.

My spirit was so lifted by our few days in Cape Town; it was hard to believe that was our last night already. We said goodbye to our wonderful new South African family with heartfelt promises to return and enthusiastic invitations to visit us in Santa Barbara someday soon. Creatures of habit, Susie and I rounded out the day with a few rounds of pool at The Backpack. We returned to our room, excited for the next stage of our adventure to begin with the rental car delivery, first thing in the morning.

Thursday, April 10, 2008

Wine Country

It felt early when I woke up from a solid night of wrestling with wacky travel dreams. Susie was still sacked out with her arm over her face; so, I grabbed my journal and parked it on the bench just outside our room. It was already a hot one, sort of like a Santa Ana day in Santa Barbara without the irritating wind. From my perch at The Backpack, behind a giant wall, the city can be heard and smelled. Within my sight is more of that familiar flora: jacarandas, birds of paradise, date palms, all sorts of stuff I don't know the names of. Mostly, I'm captivated by a steamy-thick cloud creeping over Table Mountain, trailing off into the clear blue sky, like the smoke from dry ice. They call it the Table Cloth, very clever, no?


By now, it was clear to us that we were not going to have time to fit in everything we wanted to do in Cape Town. But one thing that everyone insisted was not to be missed was Stellenbosch, Cape Town's wine country. This was our plan for Monday. But I was still so sleepy after journaling and a shower that I went back inside to rest my eyes, just for a minute. Hannah's phone call wakes us at 11 o'clock and we're both shocked to find ourselves still asleep. At least we had jet lag to blame it on, plus we're fast to get out the door. Before we knew it, we were piled into Foxy and on our way to pick up Hannah's friend, Charles, my backseat buddy for the rest of the day. Once again, there was an instant, easy familiarity. I had such a great time talking with him about all that's wrong and right with this world that I missed all the scenery between the city and wine country.

Our first stop was Spier, probably the most well-known wine farm in the area. It was big, well-manicured; it was ridiculously crowded. And have I mentioned yet that it was damned hot? Neither Susie nor I were properly caffeinated, so we took care of business and waited for Seanagh and Merle to join us. Once they did, we made a quick stop at the restaurant (Moyo) to partake in the attraction where women paint white dots/flowers on the tourists' faces. I loved my face dots and the ladies who painted me thought my French pedicure was interesting. There was also a very cool display of artwork/crafts at this place. Incredibly original and beautiful stuff. It seemed like most of it was made from what we'd call trash or recycled materials. I especially loved the curtains made from plastic bottle caps. Here's where I found Bob's first wire basket, of which he is now the proud owner of an official collection (ahem, public declaration: my man did, indeed, promise me that he'd get rid of his freaky statue collection in exchange for a collection of baskets...now you all know and must hold him accountable!).

The highlight of Spier was a behind-the-scenes walk, guided by Charles. He's an interesting, hep cat who works for an eco-architect. At Spier, Charles helped build these eco-structures. The details of why they built them are leaving me (it was for an eco-convention at Spier? It was educational, anyway...see what happens when I don't write things down?). Anyway, check them out. They're amazingly cool. Built from bio-harvested eucalyptus trunks (a foreign species in South Africa, pretty much a pesty weed at this point), bamboo and cement...meant to be sustainable, and they were still standing! Don't you just want to throw a party or teach some kids about the environment in these things? They even built bathrooms.

Pretty soon, we'd all had enough of the touristy Spier; so we went in search of a smaller wine farm. We tried out Lanzerac, which looked exactly like some winery I've been to in Santa Ynez, but it was a tad formal for our crowd. So, we moved on to a more remote one called Muratie, which turned out to be the oldest privately owned wine farm in Stellenbosch. Their thing was enormous, dusty cobwebs and a gorgeous garden, which we enjoyed for quite some time (joined by a giant german shepherd named Frank Zappa).

Susie got all kinds of brave and decided to give driving on the wrong side a try. She owned it for a good fifteen minutes, along a stunning drive on the N310, until something started to go horribly wrong with the gears. Hannah took the driver's seat again and all was not lost. We had a quick drive-through tour of Pniel, where Charles grew up. I spotted several avocado trees. Charles told us that the town was where slaves, who worked in nearby mines, used to live; so, there were many fruit trees planted to provide food for themselves and their families. The town had, yet again, that familiar feel. This time, it reminded me most of residential neighborhoods in Mexico with colorfully painted homes with wrought iron over the windows, old men smoking on the front porch waving at the cars, and packs of children freely playing soccer in the streets.

I love being guided around. Charles and I are in the back seat talking conspiracies, and next thing we know we're in a little town called Franschhoek for dinner at the French Connection. This town has a Huguenot heritage and felt somewhat fancier than other places we'd been that day. Dinner was fabulous, out on a back patio. Susie even tried a bite of Seanagh's Impala steak. I thought about it, but decided to stick with my green salad and couscous with butternut (LOVE the butternut on everything, by the way).

By the time we were delivered to The Backpack at the end of the day, I was ridiculously excited. For me, the day's conversations were the catalyst to renew my hope in humanity, in happiness, in general. To travel so many thousands of miles across the world, to a continent/country enormously full of grief and conflict so unimaginable to me, and to meet people who share such similar global perspectives...well, it pretty much floored me in the best possible way. It makes me excited that people in my (and future) generations -- no matter what our educational/personal backgrounds -- are willing to consider perspectives beyond our own. We want to spread awareness of self- and community-sustainability. Somehow, there is love and hope for this life business. Maybe it's just my slow-learner syndrome, but I am humbled immeasurably by my inexperience. This simple day, this complex trip altered my perception of the human experience forever.

You know, it was sort of peculiar to come back to The Backpack all pumped up like that. Our only reasonable outlet was to play a few games of pool on the crooked, red table with the tiniest cue ball of all time. We enjoyed more vacation drinks, listened to the mosaic of accents surrounding us, and laughed at the "so five years ago" American pop music on the radio. Before going to sleep, we even remembered to set the alarm clock. We had a date to keep with Table Mountain.

Wednesday, April 9, 2008

Brunch, Penguins & Picnic an Easter Sunday Make

It's pretty much a trip guarantee: waking up in a strange room that first morning is a time warp. "Wait, what? Where am I? We slept till when?"

It was shaping up to be one clear, bright, hot ass day when Hannah chauffeured us back to her nearby place in Sea Point, a cute residential neighborhood where all the houses on the block have high walls around the front yards, for safety. It makes the street look very organized.

Anyway, she lives in an incredible home (with a couple, Karen and Barry - the girls, who met in grad school, are both real, live working artists) with hardwood floors, high ceilings and little kitchen garden in the back. Oh yes, and an adorable doggy whose name I've forgotten and somehow didn't take a picture of. Sticking with the "it all seems vaguely familiar" theme, the energy in the house instantly felt like we'd been coming over to visit forever. Also, Karen wore a very cool shirt covered with a brown butterfly pattern over which Susie and I were both properly envious.

Our hosts had sympathy on us weary travelers and kept pot after pot of yummy coffee a-flowing. Plus, there was an impromptu Easter Brunch in the front yard with pastries, chocolates and champagne (oh and some healthy stuff). Karen taught us her German family's tradition of knocking hard-boiled eggs together, each in turn: whoever has the last unbroken egg wins (that was Miss Susie, who I believe still owes us all a round of drinks for that victory!). We never made it back to their home after Easter, shame, but we'll remedy that next trip, eh? Here's a shot of Barry and Karen with the beautiful spread (check out over Barry's shoulder, that's the neighbor's avocado tree!).

No time to linger after eating because there were PENGUINS ON THE BEACH to track down, people! Back in to Foxy and we started making our way down the Cape (but don't ask me to point out the road we took on a map cause I won't be able to show you) towards a beach called Boulders. Well, apparently, we weren't the only ones with the brilliant idea to go for a drive on Easter Sunday; but the traffic's pace made for longer conversations and a more thorough absorption of the the scenery...which, again, was familiar yet different. The sea is there, but wilder. The rocky mountains are there, but are square. The bushes along the road are in the form of delicate pink proteas in bloom. The sky...is huge.

You know how you build something up in your mind that you run the risk of disappointment once it arrives? I can't imagine this ever happening as a visitor to South Africa. It doesn't matter what you imagine, the experiences will absorb your every moment until they bubble over and form a deep pool around your body. The place is too big, too interesting to leave any time for disappointments.

Not even when you hit the uber-tourist penguin beach on a holiday. Cause, it's penguins! On the beach! In eighty-degree African sunshine!




Now that our lives were complete with beach penguins, it was time to for more food. Hannah, a girl after my own heart, had filled Foxy's trunk with bags and coolers containing my idea of a perfect picnic: homemade hummus, fruits, cheeses, breads, wine. "Let's drive to Cock Bay and see if my friend Shawna's up for joining us." I soon learned that we, in fact, were on our way to Kalk Bay to meet her friend Seanagh. Details, details. This photo is Hannah and Susie carrying our picnic down Seanagh's street.

Kalk Bay is a small, artist community. It's a beachy town with a tiny harbor where big fish are hauled off of small boats at the end of the day. We found Seanagh and her mom, Merle (who had just arrived from England the day before, jet-laggers unite!), up for the picnic. We walked down the block, away from the holiday crowds on the sand, and found some smooth boulders where we drank our wine from Hannah Morris designer coffee mugs. The sea was pounding away a few yards ahead. The company was divine, hysterical, thoughtful, instantly familiar.

Just behind us, at the start of town, was the Harbor House (apparently once visited by Artie Shaw, which both impressed and amused me) where Hannah said we must stop for a sunset drink. This was a good call. Beautiful setting, beautiful views, beautiful time.

(Not to be forgotten, this is also where we learned the great new phrase: landing with your bum in the butter. Also, it was a quite a hot day, which made us feel a little sticky in the bum. These are the important cultural exchanges to get figured out to avoid being caught with your bum in your mouth...ok, so I just made that last one up.)

It was well after dark before we left our new friends in Kalk Bay and found our way back into the city. We found some dinner (the second night in a bizarre trend of finding only pizza to eat...this one had butternut squash on it...slurrrppp). We found ourselves at the bar in The Backpack enjoying vacation drinks, reflecting on the events of the day. Pretty soon, we found ourselves asleep in our room that no longer felt like it could be a strange place to wake up.

Tuesday, April 8, 2008

And so, It Begins...

Normally, I'm not a fan of our cultural tenancies to use screens (as in television) as babysitters. However, when it comes to passing nearly twenty-four hours of in-flight time, an interactive screen embedded in the seat in front of you that offers a relatively enticing array of movies, international TV shows, games, and flight information...well, it really is a stroke of genius, isn't it? Free baby-bottles of wine (no, not BABY bottles, silly) are pretty nifty, too.

Susie and I drove away from our beloved Santa Barbara in the wee hours of a Friday, arriving in Cape Town, South Africa -- bodies and luggage fully in tact, ready to begin our adventures with gusto -- just as the sun was setting on Saturday evening. Even factoring in the nine hour time difference, in Africa's favor, it really is one helluva long journey.

It's one of life's most comforting gifts to be met by an enthusiastically waving friend of a friend upon landing on another continent. Hannah gathered us into her stylish, protective wings, piled us into Foxy (her 1989 VW), and drove us on the wrong side of the roads into Cape Town straight to The Backpack. We threw our bags into the room (named Simba), brushed our grubby teeth and set out to Obs (the Observatory neighborhood) for dinner at Ganesh, a restaurant serving real South African food, says Hannah. Alas, we managed to arrive the night before Easter, which translates into a long vacation weekend for practically the entire country, including the good folks at Ganesh.

No worries, there was an open pizza joint around the corner. Authentic South African pizza.

You know, there's something about South Africa that I found assuringly familiar (no, it wasn't the pizza cause it was different...and better, quite frankly). Usually, when I travel, I'm constantly freezing in my tracks declaring another moment of deja-vu. That didn't happen to me in South Africa, not even once. Still, with every drive we took, with every friend we made, it was all familiar. And good.

It's not particularly safe to be out and about at night in Cape Town. Cars are at risk for being broken into, stolen. There is a system
in place -- sometimes more official than others, depending on where you are -- where men wearing identifying florescent-yellow vests mill around the streets making sure nobody bothers the vehicles. In return, drivers are expected to tip the guards, usually something in the range of a dollar or less.

After pizza, we were followed back to Foxy by a man,
slightly wobbling, who clearly had fashioned his own guard vest out of some sort of foam-like material and string. He was friendly enough, chatted us up and kept a non-threatening distance. Hannah gave him a few coins, honoring his presence graciously, and informed us with a giggle that he must have been the most unofficial car watcher she'd ever encountered.

We parted ways with Hannah with plans to meet up in the morning for a drive; we wanted to be big ol' tourists and see the penguins on the beach. Susie and I drifted easily into sleep, thankful The Backpack didn't include a television screen in our room.

Monday, April 7, 2008

Landing with My Bum in the Butter

Just returned from a practically indescribably wonderful (though I'm going to try!) two weeks journey in South Africa. It ranged from Cape Town to the coastal Garden Route to remote a farm to a private game safari. We met interesting, beautiful, like-minded people along the way who helped renew my sense of hope in our species as a whole. I'm so grateful that my life includes opportunities to travel across the world and experience, first-hand, those much needed reminders that this life we live is so much more than the six o'clock news on a forty-two inch plasma.

Here's me with some rhinos we happened upon, spooning, one morning. Stay tuned for more entries about the trip.


Tuesday, February 5, 2008

Seriously, I'm Not Making Up This Stuff

Nobody asked for any form of identification from me when I went to vote just now.

Am I wrong to find that a little bit odd and a lot alarming?

Ahh, well, at least I will sleep tight tonight knowing that:



If I Don't Share...

...then I will have only been astounded by myself.

A guy throws open my office door. My desk is about two feet from the front door, so I look up to greet my unexpected visitor. The guy is kinda freaky looking -- tall, skinny, black beard, dark glasses, reeks of patchouli -- but otherwise looks to be a fully functioning adult. He hovers for a moment in the threshold doing who knows what. He mangles a sentence trying to ask me about the doctor's office next door. I say politely pointing to the stairs directly behind him, "Yes, they're right next door, at the top of the stairs."

Seemingly ignoring me, he says, "Yea, but do they have a door?" This is a weird question, but I've heard weirder. So, I answered as clearly and slowly as possible.

"Yes, right there at the top of the stairs." He looks over towards the other door as if he's just now seeing it for the first time even though I'm sure it's been there all along.

"But, how do I get in?"

Uhhhh.

Trying not to laugh and resisting my growing urge throw my stapler at him, I say, "You open the door and if it's locked then it means they aren't there."

That seemed to satisfy him and he closed my door without saying thank you. Before he left, I spied his name tag, which indicated he's a delivery man.

I wonder when they stopped teaching delivery men about the intricate workings of doors?

Thursday, January 24, 2008

A Car Horn is Not, Repeat NOT, a Doorbell

You know, I'm a patient person. A very patient person. And I'm quite forgiving, too. My demeanor is pretty much even at all times.

But, seriously, all it takes is five seconds of car horn honking from the street -- which I can only assume is to alert someone that their ride is here -- to drive me to the point of fantasizing ridiculous acts violent rage.

Today, it drove me straight to the blog. Is this not the age of cell phones, people? USE them! Or park your damned car and walk your lazy ass to the door.

Or else I'm going to think very bad thoughts about you!

Phew, I feel better.

That is all.

Monday, January 14, 2008

I'll Take the Non-Smoking Section, Please

When I was a kid, both my Grandma and Dad smoked cigarettes. Did I ever hate their habit, mostly because it made them stink. We spent years helping Grandma pretend that she didn't smoke, even though her bathroom was sprinkled with ashes, had yellowed walls, and smelled like a wet ashtray. Dad never brought it in the house and mostly smoked in the car, so it stuck to his clothes and followed him everywhere he went. I vowed that I would never smell like that when I grew up.

My first venture into the real world was to college in Washington, where everyone smoked. It was inescapable. When I was back home attending community college, there was still no escaping it. One of my favorite memories from that school was overhearing someone scolding a smoker, "You just lost seven minutes of your life." I was never sure if he meant each cigarette has been proven to shorten a smoker's life by seven minutes or if he just meant they wasted seven minutes during which they could have been doing something other than smoking.

Doesn't really matter because, within a matter of months, I moved to Santa Barbara and became a smoker myself. It's hard to say how it happened exactly -- though it's probably safe to blame it on a combination of cute boys and beer -- but soon I was involved in a pack a day love affair...er, uhh, habit. There's just something about cigarettes that go so well with the immortality complex of being twenty-one and single. Besides, everyone was doing it!

Turns out the future husband smoked, too; and we smoked together for a long time. Of course, we made it our resolution to quit just about every New Year's until it finally stuck. Now, it's been five whole years since we officially gave up the cancer sticks, cold turkey.

It wasn't so bad, actually, until I woke up on Monday morning of the third week and couldn't move. The husband had to call in sick on my behalf because I literally was too weak to hold the phone. The Great Cigarette Detox of 2003 ended up lasting a full two weeks. It was pure misery. There was the fever portion, the wretched coughing episodes, the inability to eat syndrome, and total lack of interaction with people other than a few grunts of sick-person communication to the husband. By the end of it all, I lost fifteen pounds that I didn't really have to spare and it was months before I started to really feel like myself again.

As I recall, the husband was the more resistant one in our initial pact to quit smoking. One of the conditions of the agreement was that smoking would be permitted only in times of extreme stress, such as a death. I agreed since it wasn't likely we'd have do deal with anything like that for years and years.

Wrong again. Just under three years later, we ended our cigarette fast to try to cope with the loss of my sister. It felt weak and lame, but that's what we did. Actually, we've spent the last few years saying that we're non-smokers when it's not exactly the whole truth. Our current routine is to smoke when the husband's band plays or when a loved one does something so frustrating that it feels like there's no other rational choice.

Still, we have successfully broken the daily habit. Thank you, thank you very much.

These days, my reaction to cigarettes has two sides. Sometimes, when I walk by a smoker on the sidewalk, I have this ridiculous urge to rush at them and steal drag or to go in for a kiss just for a shot at their exhale. But, mostly, I have my childhood gag reflex and wonder what the hell I ever saw in those evil little things anyway because, man, they sure do stink.