Things I Didn't Even Know I Have Hurt

Well, it happened. That right of passage into female adulthood that we never exactly see coming. On the very same day that I noticed on myself what appears very much to be something of a beer belly, some dude asked me if I'm pregnant. Now, considering the social idiocy level of the question asker, I opted not to get too upset about it. Still, it hasn't been easy shake the fact that it -- something I've heard happening to other women -- has now happened to me.

This occurred on Saturday evening, the day after the long-awaited college graduation. And what an incredible graduation it was. The power of transformation that is possible by sending yourself back to school as an adult is breathtaking. This weekend, all of my family within reasonable driving distance came to celebrate with me and share the group pride in this personal accomplishment.

It has taken me years, now, to finally understand just how amazing this group of people that I was born into really are. Sometimes you just have to get out there and compare what you thought you didn't have to what everyone else has got before you sincerely appreciate where you already are.

Ahh, the life of an artist, right? What is it that drives us to make things harder for ourselves before we see the light, have the epiphany, set ourselves free to materialize the vision? We seem to crave the struggle.

I have to admit it, though, I'm a little bit in love with the notion of being able to call myself an artist. It appeals to my tendency to make things more difficult than they need to be. The stretches of idea incubation, preparing for its eventual arrival, laboring (frequently involving body aches, sweat and tears) to push it out of my mind and into the real world. The exhausted, exhilarated celebration of the tangible creation; the ooohing and ahhing when shared with others.

So, anyway, that's me post-graduation. Pregnant with potential. My babies are in there: gestating, growing, working their way towards the brutal, beautiful light of this world.